Growing up in the wealthy suburbs of South Florida, the idea of a hostel was a mere fantasy for me. The idea of communal accommodations remained intangible until we visited Jeff and Ryan in Moab and stayed at the Lazy Lizard Hostel. It was truly one of those I’m-never-going-to-forget-this life experiences.
The hostel offers a variety of lodging options. You can rent a private cabin, stay in a dorm-style room above the main building, or camp out in the back. Pitching a tent is the cheapest option, so naturally we took that path – but make no mistake, camping in the quieter zone of the hostel hardly spared us from the insanity that ensues on a nightly basis at the Lazy Lizard.
The people we met were outrageous. There were Chelsey and Josephine, the beautiful hitchhiking ladies from Seattle, and Mike, my fellow Palmetto High School alumnus – what are the odds of running into a classmate in a funky Moab hostel? Not to play favorites, but one of the most significant people we met was Paul, the British climber who ended up accompanying us to Yosemite and spending a week with our crew.
I can’t forget about Lynne, the Lazy Lizard housekeeper who drank like a camel, swore like a sailor and even tried her hand at hitting on Niko. After a few hours of pounding boxed wine and gin, I excitedly followed her into her room to watch her feed her rat family. My drunken stupor ignored her warnings about the overprotective mama rat, who eagerly took a chunk out of my index finger when I shoved it into the cage to pet the rats – another Lazy Lizard mishap to add to the collection.
Our ultimate night of debauchery, the evening where I earned my rat bite, included the best thing that’s happened to Niko’s head in years: a very drunk Chelsey agreed to give Niko a male version of her fabulous lesbian haircut. It honestly could have ended in disaster, but Niko’s mane was shockingly tamed – minus his new little rat tail that we keep meaning to fix.
I would be a liar to claim that the Lazy Lizard was an outstanding facility for quality accommodations – if you’re looking for a quiet night’s stay or lavish lodging, this is not the place for you. However, if you’re keen on waking up with caterpillars on your tent, walking through the rain to find a liquor store, meeting outlandish characters from around the world and collecting experiences that you’ll never forget, do yourself a favor and spend a few nights at this ridiculous establishment.
Have I mentioned that this is the place where Jeff and Ryan are spending their entire summer while they work as rafting guides on the Colorado River? Imagine the novel’s worth of stories they’ll have to share once they’re done residing at the Lazy Lizard, if they make it out alive.